Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
