Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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