Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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