It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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