State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
