I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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