party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
