I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
