ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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