I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
