Nicole vs. Life
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize