You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
