i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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