You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
a search helicopter?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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