I wish I could teleport
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
