I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
