Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
