I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
