Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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