I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
