No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
