I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
