Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
