You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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