I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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