she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
