i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
