I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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