those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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