if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
