It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
