The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
