My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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