apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
