I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
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im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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