Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
