we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
