I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize