someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if only i could text you this smell
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
