Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
