some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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