So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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