I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
