I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
