I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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