Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
