I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
