So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I will be naked everywhere
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
