Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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