eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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