So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
