If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
