On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
