Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
