saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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