You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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