i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
