Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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