so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
