I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
