So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
