Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
