Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you made out with another girl for some wings
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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