her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
