thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
