guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
