THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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