i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
