What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
