It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
