Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Four minutes until I can fart!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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