he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
