It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
