If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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