I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
